Bored...

I had to do this too.

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And lol,

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*sporfle*

As much as I would like Senator Obama to be the Democratic Party's Presidential Nominee, I am starting to get tired of all the infighting. I will vote for the Democratic nominee no matter who it is. All I can say is, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE, NO MCCAIN.

GAH.

Also, I'm getting the feeling that cranes are feeling under-appreciated. See first instance here in NYC and here in Miami. The loss of life is tragic, but multiple instances within a week period? Questionable.

And here's an "Oops" of classic proportions: U.S. says missile parts mistakenly sent to Taiwan . Um, and this mistake also occurred in 2006 and they are only just now figuring this out?

Wow. We are on top of things aren't we.

AND KITTEHS, BABEH KITTEHS: http://mfrost.typepad.com/cute_overload/2008/03/this-just-in-ki.html

And this is just hilarious: Car stolen in front of police dept.

Be not afraid of growing slowly, be only afraid of standing still.-Chinese Proverb

I cried a bit last night, and talked to my mom and am further towards being at peace with my father's passing. I'm sure I still will cry though.

I called up Aunt Jeff and Uncle Randy because I've been thinking about them. Jeff offered the 3 month plan again for staying with them. I'm not sure if I will take it, but if I can't find anywhere else, or I don't have enough money saved by July, it will be a nice back up plan. I am so blessed to have them in my life.

I learned that Yuu Watase's manga series "Absolute Boyfriend" (English title) is being made into a live-action drama. I hope the hilarity of that series translates. Which reminds me, I should look at seeing how many volumes are out since I last bought one. It's funny how my manga and anime interests run. I'm mostly for anime, but every once in a while, a manga sticks its head out of the crowd and I have to read it.

Also, Geraldine Ferraro is getting on my nerves and I have a strange feeling that this whole issue was A) set-up and B) blown out of proportion. She says that she's getting attacked for her comments because she's white. And I have to say this: Honey, you'd be attacked for your comments even if you were black, or latino, or asian, or any other. It's the demeaning and disrespectful way you said that comment, not to mention the victim mentality you project.

And though it may be old news at this point, I find that I am in a bit of disbelief over HRC offering a VP slot to the candidate who has more delegates than she does. But, then I remember this is Hillary we're talking about, who says that 8 years as the First Lady adds to her "more experience" clause of her campaign.

I want to go see the movie "Vantage Point", or at least, I thought I did. I don't know. I do know that I want to see "Wanted", because Angelina Jolie and guns and action sequences are hard core love for me. Currently, I am on the last installment of the Lord of the Rings movies. I've been re-watching them. I've also seen "Shortbus", "Hedwig and the Angry Inch", "Eastern Promises" and "The DaVinci Code". "Shortbus" is an awesome film. "Hedwig" is alright. "Eastern Promises" is also alright, but gets a slightly better "alright" because of Viggo Mortensen. "The DaVinci Code" wasn't bad, very fast-paced and we all know I like movies that question today's version of the Christian faith.

Sometimes I wish I could just download books and their contents into my brain. You know, insta-read? Because then I'd be able to read all the books I have sitting on my bookshelves and not have to worry about the time factor.

Also, I feel strangely coherent today. Funny that.

Disappointed

Very very disappointed. I wouldn't mind a woman president, but I don't want her. I know that the process isn't done yet, but I am disappointed.

Also, it's obvious that I fail at socializing. Fail fail fail. And I'm becoming increasingly unable to sleep well.

And I want to go home, but there's no bed there anymore for me. There's a couch, but no bed. Just my aunt and her stupid kid. I shouldn't feel jealous or bad because she's in a bad spot, but she put herself there. And she's taking advantage of my parents like she's done before. And I feel resentful and angry and a myriad of other things. Resentful that while my parents have done a lot for me, it's always with this sense of "You owe us! We're investing in your future so you can take care of us when we can't." With other people they help, it's always "Oh, we won't get anything back from this, but that's okay."

I don't know where to go, where to turn, where to be. I'm having one of those moments where I just want to be gone from here. From this place, this depressing, boring place that has no interest for me. This is why Tacoma/Seattle is ultimately the better place for me. There is actual ART museums, not stupid museums depicting how Montana was tamed by prejudiced and ignorant white cowboys winning against the savage red man. And for once, I realize how much I hate this place. How much I have hated it. I want to go to a place where there is music and multi-nationalities and ART, actual ART and zoo's full of animals, and aquariums and people and culture and LIFE.

I'm so tired of this place. So very fucking tired. Can I stand to wait until July? Truly? I don't know. I may have to.

It's been a week.

I cried last night when I was laying in bed trying to fall asleep. I try to distract myself, keep myself from thinking too much about my father. Last night, I lost for a little bit.

It's just that I wish that I had been more able and willing to go and see him. I have this idea that he would have enjoyed the company of an adult me. We got along great even when I was younger, but I still wish that I had seen him after I graduated from high school.

I still am grappling these emotions. If you see me and you don't think I care about this whole thing, you are wrong. I'm just dealing with this in my own way. Dealing with the guilt, regret, etc, that plague me. I had a freak out last night, where I wanted to go as soon as possible to Tacoma. I was thinking "FUCK THIS, I want to move NOW!". It is possible, but I would be in a worse place financially and I would have no where to put my kittehs. So, I have to wait until July.

And I'm chomping at the bit like a horse, impatient as hell.