A crossing of time and space tangled in the intangible grip...

Lunch is made of macaroni and cheese from a box. YUMMY. (The post before last was also about food)

2009-11-13T13:39:00.000-08:00

Just a short update. I have two months grace on my journal because of . I'll figure out how to return the favor, even as I know it was a gift that was supposed to uplift me and believe me, girl, it did!

Tires were only about 122.00, if you round up, so I have a little left-over. Not much, but a little.

Not depressed anymore, despite whittling away my funds from 794.00 this morning, to 120-something. Sigh. I also talked with Mom and she thinks I should take the train or bus over ($26 to $33) to Wenatchee and catch a ride back with them on Sunday. Makes my life easier. The difference between gas and wear-and-tear on the car verses $30 bucks is a lot. Less worry about my car, less worry about driving myself in possibly snowy weather. It will also give me an extra day (Friday) with my grandmother before Grandpa's celebration of life. So yay, less stress.

I'll have to remember this for next time. That when the paycheck comes around, despite being more money, I'll have to deal with the pay out. Just keep going, Jo, and in 3 months time, you will have $100 more dollars to work with per month. Just remember. It WILL get better. Also, my electric bill for November? $12.00. You read that right. $12.00. For the rest of October thru November 12. Awesome, right? I can't guarantee it will be less than that for December, or hell, January, but OMG YAY. Of course, that's after paying the final $144 for the deposit and October bill due November 5th. WOO!

Things will work out. Just keep going. I just have to remember that. ALSO! is coming to visit!!!!!!!! YAY!!!!!! On December 30th!!!!!!!!!!! WOOOOOOOO! We might not be able to have a Xena marathon (not due to funds, but due to finding it for rent), but we can find something else! Can't wait!

See? I'll be fine. I'll be great. I just have to remember to do something to up my dopamine levels right around paycheck/bill time.

I also got my studded snow tires on just in time. It started snow while I was waiting for them to get done. Lucky!

The usual, or so it seems.

2009-11-04T00:33:00.000-08:00

Work was pretty slow today. I was very happy to get home.

It's pretty stupid, but when I'm in the proximity of M at work, I start thinking those thoughts again. Thank goodness I have a fair amount of control over them. The thing I have to keep reminding myself is that if he was interested, he might have said something already, so he's not talking to me on a daily basis, or texting me, or what have you. So, thus, my fantasy is simply that.

I'm trying to find a happy medium for myself as far as exercise goes. I don't really want to stay later than I have to at work, even if it is in the small little workout room they have. I don't have money right now to get a gym membership, at least to use the pool. Nor do I wish to drive across town to go swim at the community college, not to mention that I get out of work so late that it does not matter anyways. So I've decided to do stuff at home. I have a bellydance dvd I bought years ago, so I'll start with that. It's just simple steps and so on. I'll expand later into other things on dvd. It's easier for me, cheaper and I don't have to go out to embarass myself when I go workout, or put my anxiety in high stress levels.

We'll see how it goes. Like usual.

I've actually decided to vote in the Dokuga awards this quarter. Just because. It's not like I have lot of other stuff to do...........heh.

Anyhow, rent is paid, as is my payment to the power company. All I have to do is wait until the 13th to pay everything else. SIGH. I'll get it figured out for sure.

Vacation fun time.

2009-11-02T23:40:00.000-08:00

I was so incredibly entertained by 's Halloween picture post. I'd totally fangirl her band. It reminded me that I need to borrow Mom's camera and give you guys an idea of where I'm living now. :D

Things are going okay. Work wasn't too long today, however I am SO NOT LOOKING FORWARD to Friday. To make up for Saturday, I have to work 4 hours, from 5:30am. UGH. Oh well. It was worth it.

I was going to tell you guys about the trip, wasn't I? Well, beyond the little posts I put while I was there. Anyhow, I am very glad I went. I always am.

Wednesday arrived bright and early. Of course, I didn't get a lot of sleep because I was up late reloading my mp3 player. Shanon, and her significant other Robyn, arrived about 9:30 AM. I quickly made my bed for when I returned, and while I was doing that they brought in a table with two chairs, a bookcase and a little side table. These were all items that Shanon and her ex had wanted to use from the stuff my dad had before. She kindly returned them. And I am supremely happy with my table and with the other items. After that, we loaded the car, went to breakfast with my mom and Robyn's step-daughter, Krista. We went to the Buckhorn, which is a little restaurant/bar here in Airway Heights. Ate breakfast, bs'd, and then Mom went back to work, and Robyn, Shanon and I packed ourselves into the car. Shanon's cute little chihuahua - pomeranian, Olivia, was there as well. She is so adorable.

During the 5-6 hour drive, I was able to stay awake with the exception of an hour or thereabouts, talking with Shanon and Robyn. Olivia remembers me and thinks I'm pretty cool. Of course, that translates into dog as "nice to sleep on" and "trust enough to allow holding of precious body" or something like that. We made it to Kalispell by 5pm Mountain time and got to Shalie's home before she got home. Seanna and Shalie's friend, Shannon, was there. Seanna is precocious as always. She pretty much is birth control. I don't see myself having children anytime soon, if at all.

We had dinner with Shalie, watched some of "Beverly Hills Chihuahua", as it is Seanna's favorite movie at this time, along with "Popstar", a corny teenybopper movie starring a poorly acting Aaron Carter (bleh). Despite having to sleep in Seanna's bed, I was happy to sleep.

Thursday was spent with just Robyn, Shanon, Seanna and I. Shalie had work and Seanna had school, but Robyn and Shanon wanted to take care of her, thus Shalie called Seanna's school so she could be out. (I didn't voice my opinion because I was outnumbered.) Seanna is cute and all, but I really go to this to see Shanon and Shalie. I'm the one person in this group of friends that does not want children. Oh well. They are my friends, and this is just something I have to accept. Anyhow, we went into Kalispell to get some things. I needed toothpaste, among other things. It was a pretty good afternoon. That was also the day we spent about 30 minutes or so in Borders so we could tap into their wireless. That evening we had dinner and once again watched "Beverly Hills Chihuahua" because Seanna wanted to watch it. We also had Shalie's version of gumbo. It was pretty good.

Friday Shalie had off, so she was out running around doing errands and we met up with her at the grocery store to get stuff for the party on Saturday. She made enchiladas and made sure we knew that we were privileged to be able to eat it. XD But it was really good stuff. SHE MAKES THIS STUFF FROM SCRATCH. With the exception of the tortillas. YUMMY. Then Janene came over with her daughter, Kayla and her 6 year old son, Corey. Kayla is 17 and into anime. She also thinks I'm cool, which feels like a strange thing. Anyhow, we played something called Partini, and had a blast. I had bought some wine, but didn't drink much of it. Then, after everyone had gone, or gone to sleep, Kayla and I stayed up to watch some anime that was On Demand on Shalie's cable. It was pretty okay, except everything was English subtitled.

Saturday started early for Shalie, who had to make Seanna's cake and get everything ready for the party that started at 11am for Seanna's birthday slash Halloween party. She made a Barbie cake, which consists of her making an ice-cream filled cake in the shape of a dress with an actual Barbie doll in the center. Shalie really is amazing at cooking and baking. Then 2 hours of children, parents and presents ensued. It was pretty okay. I stayed out of the way, munching on snacks, talking with Kayla, Shanon and Robyn on occasion. Then the kids left, and Seanna, Kayla and Corey all got costumed up. Kayla and Corey stayed the night because Janene had to work that day. We went walking thru Shalie's neighborhood trick-or-treating. I stayed at the curb with Shalie, Shanon, Robyn and Janene, who joined us once work was done. Then we visited a local haunted house, which was fun and then went thru the corn maze. It was a lot of fun, but tiring. And of course Seanna was engorging herself with candy. We started watching the movie "Mirrors", but Shanon and Robyn went to bed, so it was just Shalie and I. It was pretty good. Enjoyable for sure. However, I think I got a fever.

The reason why I say that is that I was so cold. I was shivering and didn't get warmed up until I went to bed and fell asleep. Plus my throat was all swollen, which made swallowing a little hard. Seanna woke me up at 3am throwing up because all the candy she ate, I could hear her in the bathroom with Shalie. Poor thing also woke up from a nightmare, asking her mom not to leave her. Poor dear.

Then Sunday we started for home. Nothing spectacular about that. I was fortunate enough to sleep in the car again, so that was nice. Olivia liked it as well.

Overall it was a good trip, but I am sure glad to be home. The yearly dose of birth control in the form of Shalie's strong-willed four-year-old is so worth it. It's also good to visit and be with these two people who I consider to be part of my extended family as the sisters I never had.

That's the trip. And I am so going to bed. I'm tired.

SLEEEEEEEEEEEEPY

2009-11-01T23:01:00.001-08:00

The clocks may have gone back an hour, but I'm still sleepy. Even with napping in the car on the way home from Kalispell. More on the trip later. I think I'm going to obey my body and go to bed. Last night was not kind, in terms of sleep, such as fever, being incredibly cold, being wakened by the sounds of Shalie's little girl throwing up because she ate too much candy, and so on.

It's good to be home. And hey, I don't have to get to work until 9:30am tomorrow. YEAH!

Borders

2009-10-29T11:17:00.001-07:00

In Borders cafe because my wireless doesn't work here. Curses. SIGH.

Anyhow, it's great to see my friends and I really like Robyn, who is Shanon's significant other. She is really nice and I'm comfortable around her. Mom liked her, too, when we met for breakfast yesterday before leaving. It was a long drive, but it wasn't that bad. Yep, as usual, I'm glad I came.

I'm so bound to my internet. I miss it so much. Oh well, visits are for actual social interaction rather than being online.

Miss you all!!! I'll try to get online later at some point, but don't count on it.

More clean-up stuff...

2009-10-27T01:30:00.001-07:00

I'm going thru files from my little two-drawer file cabinet and what do I find? A copy of the stupid title for the Subaru that was but is no longer. So much for that. It is now a hunk of charred metal somewhere in Montana. So long, farewell, I can't make myself shred the title yet. SIGH.

I found some stickers! That made me happy. I have always loved stickers, and I found some! I never think to buy them for myself, plus the only reason I would purchase them would be if I was writing letters a lot more, which I don't do a lot of, except during the holidays. Oh well. I'll try and find some use for them.

There is one thing that I wish I could have done when I was younger: Smacked myself on the head and told myself to get it together. Perhaps things would be different. Or maybe worse. Who knows? I can't go back.

During my clean up session, I found bank statements from 1994! I think I can shred those now. Mom says that it is important to keep things for 7 years and anything before that, keep the tax return forms. There are certain other things to keep, for sure, but paperwork like bank statements, bills, and so on...yeah, I can shred them. I have a lot of crap. I'll keep the last 2 years of stuff in the file cabinet and pack everything else.

In other things, I stopped wearing my father's class ring. I think I have reached a point where I can let him go. I just have to resolve the issue of the storage unit. Sometime perhaps in the spring, I can do so, but I can't right now. I have to save what extra money I have for going to Wenatchee in November for Granpa's Celebration of Life and think about Christmas gifts. It will be sparse, again, this year, but I will be alright.

Just keep moving forward. I have my new home/apartment/small house, so that step is done. Now I just have to hunker down and pay things off as well as organize my life. Or rather, get my life closer to being organized. Then, the next big thing I want to do is get a new(er) vehicle. I'd prefer a small truck, like Toyota Tacoma, or an SUV, like a 4Runner, but we'll see. At this point it is just an idea. I hate to say it, but ANYTHING but Ford or Mercury. I have not had good experiences with Fords. AT ALL.

Sorry for all the chatter.

Getting things a little more organized.

2009-10-26T20:15:00.001-07:00

I've been working on getting some of my stuff organized, basically all the stuff I want to be in my office area. Most of it will have to stay in boxes until I can afford to start looking for two two-shelf bookcases to put behind the couch. All in good time.

I'm looking forward to Wednesday. Shanon will come pick me up around 10am and then we are off to Kalispell. Mom is going to be checking in on my kids while I'm gone. I was going to get a copy of my door key made, but Mom found 3 spare ones in the office, so she just took one of those. ("Perks of knowing the landlord", as she said. lol) She likes the way I've set up the couch and my two big bookcases. Made me happy to know that she liked it. It is such a comfortable couch and such a great set up. I really do love it. I don't know if I'll ever move it from that positioning while I'm here.

I have some more stuff to go thru still, mainly paperwork that has to be either filed in my little 2-drawer file cabinet, or boxed up because it is older than a year. There is a few things I will be keeping in the cabinet if they are older than a year, but I won't know what until I start going thru it all.

ALSO, I set up posting to multiple journals, so yay! Because I have insanejournal.com, journalfen.net, and dreamwidth.org, and I never take the time to post each post I make to Livejournal on any of these other blogs. So, I'm happy. :D

Now, I'm off to watching more Season 3 Pretender. I love Jarod. SIGH

Testing!

2009-10-26T11:52:00.001-07:00

Test post for multiple journal posting...(I finally got off my butt to try to configure this...)

3 Things

2009-08-18T19:21:00.001-07:00

Just wanted to share a few things I found interesting or amusing.

First off: NETFLIX ORIGAMI

-This means that I will be saving those flaps you tear off of the Netflix dvds.

Second:

see more Lolcats and funny pictures

Third: syreene Has something to say to the people brandishing automatic assault rifles and pistols at political events

-I agree with the quote. So fucking much. I don't care that it's not intended to be funny. I agree especially when it pertains to events that OUR PRESIDENT is attending.

-------------------------------------------

That is all for now. I'll be spamming you later (possibly) with my own personal journal.

Bored...

2008-03-27T21:25:00.000-07:00

I had to do this too.

Lets101 Quizzes - Fun quizzes for blog & myspace

And lol,

Lets101 Quizzes - Fun Quizzes

sporfle

2008-03-25T17:30:00.000-07:00

As much as I would like Senator Obama to be the Democratic Party's Presidential Nominee, I am starting to get tired of all the infighting. I will vote for the Democratic nominee no matter who it is. All I can say is, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE, NO MCCAIN.

GAH.

Also, I'm getting the feeling that cranes are feeling under-appreciated. See first instance here in NYC and here in Miami. The loss of life is tragic, but multiple instances within a week period? Questionable.

And here's an "Oops" of classic proportions: U.S. says missile parts mistakenly sent to Taiwan . Um, and this mistake also occurred in 2006 and they are only just now figuring this out?

Wow. We are on top of things aren't we.

AND KITTEHS, BABEH KITTEHS: http://mfrost.typepad.com/cute_overload/2008/03/this-just-in-ki.html

And this is just hilarious: Car stolen in front of police dept.

Be not afraid of growing slowly, be only afraid of standing still.-Chinese Proverb

2008-03-12T20:43:00.000-07:00

I cried a bit last night, and talked to my mom and am further towards being at peace with my father's passing. I'm sure I still will cry though.

I called up Aunt Jeff and Uncle Randy because I've been thinking about them. Jeff offered the 3 month plan again for staying with them. I'm not sure if I will take it, but if I can't find anywhere else, or I don't have enough money saved by July, it will be a nice back up plan. I am so blessed to have them in my life.

I learned that Yuu Watase's manga series "Absolute Boyfriend" (English title) is being made into a live-action drama. I hope the hilarity of that series translates. Which reminds me, I should look at seeing how many volumes are out since I last bought one. It's funny how my manga and anime interests run. I'm mostly for anime, but every once in a while, a manga sticks its head out of the crowd and I have to read it.

Also, Geraldine Ferraro is getting on my nerves and I have a strange feeling that this whole issue was A) set-up and B) blown out of proportion. She says that she's getting attacked for her comments because she's white. And I have to say this: Honey, you'd be attacked for your comments even if you were black, or latino, or asian, or any other. It's the demeaning and disrespectful way you said that comment, not to mention the victim mentality you project.

And though it may be old news at this point, I find that I am in a bit of disbelief over HRC offering a VP slot to the candidate who has more delegates than she does. But, then I remember this is Hillary we're talking about, who says that 8 years as the First Lady adds to her "more experience" clause of her campaign.

I want to go see the movie "Vantage Point", or at least, I thought I did. I don't know. I do know that I want to see "Wanted", because Angelina Jolie and guns and action sequences are hard core love for me. Currently, I am on the last installment of the Lord of the Rings movies. I've been re-watching them. I've also seen "Shortbus", "Hedwig and the Angry Inch", "Eastern Promises" and "The DaVinci Code". "Shortbus" is an awesome film. "Hedwig" is alright. "Eastern Promises" is also alright, but gets a slightly better "alright" because of Viggo Mortensen. "The DaVinci Code" wasn't bad, very fast-paced and we all know I like movies that question today's version of the Christian faith.

Sometimes I wish I could just download books and their contents into my brain. You know, insta-read? Because then I'd be able to read all the books I have sitting on my bookshelves and not have to worry about the time factor.

Also, I feel strangely coherent today. Funny that.

Disappointed

2008-03-05T01:59:00.000-08:00

Very very disappointed. I wouldn't mind a woman president, but I don't want her. I know that the process isn't done yet, but I am disappointed.

Also, it's obvious that I fail at socializing. Fail fail fail. And I'm becoming increasingly unable to sleep well.

And I want to go home, but there's no bed there anymore for me. There's a couch, but no bed. Just my aunt and her stupid kid. I shouldn't feel jealous or bad because she's in a bad spot, but she put herself there. And she's taking advantage of my parents like she's done before. And I feel resentful and angry and a myriad of other things. Resentful that while my parents have done a lot for me, it's always with this sense of "You owe us! We're investing in your future so you can take care of us when we can't." With other people they help, it's always "Oh, we won't get anything back from this, but that's okay."

I don't know where to go, where to turn, where to be. I'm having one of those moments where I just want to be gone from here. From this place, this depressing, boring place that has no interest for me. This is why Tacoma/Seattle is ultimately the better place for me. There is actual ART museums, not stupid museums depicting how Montana was tamed by prejudiced and ignorant white cowboys winning against the savage red man. And for once, I realize how much I hate this place. How much I have hated it. I want to go to a place where there is music and multi-nationalities and ART, actual ART and zoo's full of animals, and aquariums and people and culture and LIFE.

I'm so tired of this place. So very fucking tired. Can I stand to wait until July? Truly? I don't know. I may have to.

It's been a week.

2008-03-03T23:49:00.000-08:00

I cried last night when I was laying in bed trying to fall asleep. I try to distract myself, keep myself from thinking too much about my father. Last night, I lost for a little bit.

It's just that I wish that I had been more able and willing to go and see him. I have this idea that he would have enjoyed the company of an adult me. We got along great even when I was younger, but I still wish that I had seen him after I graduated from high school.

I still am grappling these emotions. If you see me and you don't think I care about this whole thing, you are wrong. I'm just dealing with this in my own way. Dealing with the guilt, regret, etc, that plague me. I had a freak out last night, where I wanted to go as soon as possible to Tacoma. I was thinking "FUCK THIS, I want to move NOW!". It is possible, but I would be in a worse place financially and I would have no where to put my kittehs. So, I have to wait until July.

And I'm chomping at the bit like a horse, impatient as hell.

In which the woman realizes where she truly belongs...

2008-02-18T23:31:00.001-08:00

With the advent of my father's death, and the emotional turmoil therein, I have decided to bring things to a wider audience. I have a private online blog at livejournal.com but this will be my public one. I will post poetry, musings, ideas, etc, here, because I feel like it.

I have also determined that my home should be back in the areas surrounding Seattle. I have much more family there and connections and people who are so willing to help me out. It's just a sad set of circumstances that my desire to move was increased by the death of my father. All I wish now is that I had more time to spend with him before he passed. Imagine the things he might have shared with me now that I'm who I am now.

Thus begins the flood:

February 15, 2008
"Climbling"

Like a whale breaching
above a pure blue-white sea,
we rise,
framed by snowy hills
bordered by a creamy orange
flowing through the rainbow scale
to the cerulean blue of
a sky yet to see the sun.